What if


What if I die today
And I never come back again
No surprises to surprise me
No smile to fade away

What if I admit
I never meant what I said
Never believed in any of your rites or faiths

The womb that gave me birth
The tomb that keep me in to decompose and decay

What I wrote
What I composed nobody will ever care to read or understand

This muddy relic of flesh and bones
This prison of flesh where soul remain

Who made God
And who made religion

Who’s there waiting for me beside the bank of the sunken shell

Every life is a mystery
Every mystery is death

Let my children play
Let my sadness not soil thy happiness

Live carefree as much as you can
There’s a darkness after every death

The secret of secrets remain in a dew or in a drop of rain

The dark cloud is flying by
The tide in the ocean ebb

A little bird is chirping senseless
A little girl is lost in the maze

What if I die today
And you do the same in a different way

I’m a ship without sail
You’re a lily lonely languishing in a lake

The ominous moon has risen upon the misty mountain

The wolf pack is howling in the distance

A baby is born umbilical torn deep in the war-torn church temple mosque

Who will come to listen to her heartbroken song

Her mother passed way
The father got shot in the brain

She has become a born orphan

Her tiny wrists and her tiny feet kicking the sky with her tiny fists

O my God
What are we doing in the name of Thy Holy Presence

Man killing man

Mass grave

Depravity of all kinds


Still birth
Stale fish
Nuclear melt-down

Earth is being raped by the cursed creatures of the lost cause

O who will come to save our souls

I cannot think or talk
Nor can I construct meaningful thought

Hamlet talks to his fatherly ghost
His incestuous uncle bleeds his father’s princely robe

Juliet moan as Romeo disrobe to give her delight deep in her frock

Seven nude ugly witches stop Othello,  the prince of the Moor

They tell him he’s to ascend the throne
Shylock cannot wait to cut the pound of flesh off the poor man’s
shivering chest

O what if I was ne’er e’er born

Never ever came paint you a picture, to sew you a red frock

Tell you the tales of the untold toads

Show you a silver besprinkled with gold

The guilty pleasure that a priest got, goating his congregation by the
goads of God

I’ve become complete naught, seeing the cruelty, hunger, sufferings
amidst us all

What if I was never born
Never came to see your face in the still reflecting water of the lily

Made love to you all morn marveling at the rhythmic rhyming of the
cascading rill deep within the woods of the woebegone willful dream

Listening to the sad sweet strange songs sung by the nightingales or
the loveless love-bulbul

Watching the calm evening sky as she changed her color from pale to

And infinite stars suddenly coming out of nowhere
Firing up the whole hollow holy empyrean with the twinkling and
sparkling of the starry species of the night

The nocturnal owls in the sleepy silent crickets-crying woods getting
ready to seek out their hunting grounds

The thunder roared beyond the range of the blue
While the lightnings struck the airy watery atoms and molecules

Down the shallow edges of the Ganges groups of old young maidens
filling up their empty pitchers and receptacles with the fluid of life
that the wise and mighty and ancient Ganga offered them with such
kindness and benevolence

The thickets of green and brown bamboos withheld the whisper of the
evil storm that the monsoon had begotten out of the wombs of the more
evilsome whirlpools

Wild yellow flowers flowering in the sweltering wilderness
The paddy and cornfields are ripening with the lively rhythms of the

The palm and coconut trees are standing tall and firm by the banks of
the Amazon, Volga, and Vogobote

The brides with Henna on their hands
Kohl on their eyelids arched
Await the penetrations of their hibiscus-hating-husbands

Torn hymen
Birth of humans

Beirut burn
Bethlehem hunt

Dry Sahara
Wetness erupt on our thighs

She me milks me bemoaning the light
I in her come like a geyser in disguise

I bite her nipples
She bite my eyes
Waves of orgasm upturn the sky

What if
What if
I did never write the mystery of the mystery, the secret behind thy eye
Would you still have me in the twirling of thy whirring butterfly

My wings are broken
I cannot fly
Will you ride me to reach the height
Where the curved space touches the feet of the sky
As I in you lay like a dying kite the soul of my flinching flesh loses
his sight
Dropping the last ray of the downing drowning sinning sunlight

O what if I never promised I wouldn’t lie
Would it be a truth
Or would it be a lie

Please do not leave yet
I’ve to have you twice

Once by the Throne of God
Twice and thrice by the thorn of throb

Yes I know the Serpent was wronged by the wrath of God

Thereby I dare not to approach to the nearness of thy throbbing door

Daisy and dahlia bleeds to rewrite the scrolls

Dying I die not
Nor thee not
Knot of death and life wrestle in naught
While the monks immolate themselves by burning to protest to remain
under China’s rule

What if
What if
I never remained to mourn thy departure in the early rain
Would you then wait for me not dissolving in the shapeless watery oval

Three white seagulls with black beaks and purple feet stood with one
feet in the shallow swamp’s end to surprise the sand-colored fish with
their claws like knives stabbing them soft swimming skin

Then the twilight would creep up slowly, subtly upon the serene shawl
of the hamlet green

The cowherds with weary feet would slowly and cautiously head home
before the darkness would melt in the twilight -lit-tipped-tips

The children are playing leaf-frogs, hide-and-seek on the courtyard
where the village elders have sit upon the quilted blankets of maya
and myth
Smoking hookah
Chewing betel leaves
Listening to the common simple complaints of the more simple villagers
of modest and honest means

As if in a trance or dream I walk through the sweet smelling yellow
Infinite yellow golden sari-worn fairies and nymphs are dancing and
giggling balancing themselves on the floral heads of the yellow

After a while the easy fragrant breeze of the early spring changed her
direction toward the feathery racing clouds that raced across the
eastern wing of the sky that had her upper lip split opened by the
thunderous lightning charged with mighty infinite energy

What if
What if
I never saw you
I never met thee
And what if I was never born to walk my feeble feet on the Earth’s
streets, never ever swum in the ponderous pond of the lily-lipped-

Would the pathways of life and death remain void and empty without me
What if I never tread thy shrines, bars, or brothels
Never had sex with any
What differences would it make
What shadow the wind would shake

What sacrifice
What surprise

What secret sacred sanctify beneath the eyelids of her siren-eyes
would I witness to flee and fly
Recycle the flesh
Make bonfire with my unrecognizable bones and brain-cells

Bunsen burner is burning the flame
The candle burnt out before the full moon had her fill of the flesh

I keep staring and touching in darkness

The spirits spit out the phlegm of hatred straight at the freaking
face of my ill-fated faith

O I do not dare to dare Thy invisible Presence

I’m afraid to face Thy Holy Face

Are You real
Are You sexless

Do You sleep, dream, eat, or sex
Do you feel pain
Do you feel pale
Do you dance naked as the nuns shake in shame

Have you sent Jesus
Have you sent Moses
Have seen Buddha
Have you seen Mahomet

Do you know the time of your death
The stillness of the orbital planets
The silence of the sound
The echo of the deaf
The due of the dew
The debt of the debt

Is there a Heaven
Is there a Hell

Is there a suicide-bomber waiting there to blow up my brain

Is there a cause
Is there a claim

Is there a class
Is there a race

Is there an entry, exit, extinction, existence

Why are you so thirsty to pray
Who are you
What is who
Is am I you
And you I no know

More you know
More you lose
Learn to forget
Forget to fugue
Virtue and vice
Vice and virtue

My lips long you
Your love hue make me glow
You me make me, mate me, melt me old  old new new

You’re you
I’m you
You am I
I am you

Sleep sleep sleep
Sleep my shadow
Slip not
Seek not
See not what you see around

Life is death
Death is dew

My nail is nimble
My tooth is hollow
Jaw jutted out
Unproportioned feet and elbows

I itch all over
I see not through my left pupil

Womb is torn
Tomb is torn
Tears trade tears as the virgins open their bolted vaults

What if
What if

Atomic kiss and kick
Invisible bearing, ball

Naked singularity
Single egg cell save the blind, tailed frog
The rain drops through the silhouette of fog
The desire in flesh dissolves
Smile fades away
Sadness sob

What if
What if
I never came around to discover you beneath the bough of mahogany and
pine tree

You stayed there with your eyes tearful

I didn’t know how to comfort you or console

I held you in my arms outstretched to the moon
You held on to me like a grasshopper holding on to a floating twig
Fighting hard not to lose his grip against the tidal upsurge of the
stormy wind

I looked into your big bright enigmatic eyes
You looked into mine
A spark of strange spirituality occurred in our occipital isles
And landed to address our love interest in our amorous eyes

Thus how long I remained with you beneath the bough of pine I cannot
recall that span of time

Like a soul lost in a shrine
Like a windfall who the wind brought blowing by

Or as if off a cup of opium I had had my drinks
State of numbness
Flight of fancy fanned open the fissures and faucets of my senses’
floors and ceilings

Stars swum in my iris

Secrets of the secret swirled around to be hidden and concealed

O I do not know
Why I’m like this
Who am I to define life
Who am I to decide what is wrong, what is right

I’m just a vessel of bones and flesh
A medium to medicate, meditate
Ephemeral egg-shell
Or omelet
A little oil to fry on a skillet
Add a little salt to open up the taste buds to taste the yellow white

What if
What if
I’m the cry of your very inner self

I’m the one in your mind and head

The presence invisible unconscious in thy innermost-inner’s shell

You can feel me, think me
But you cannot touch or tease me, tame

I’m as immaterial as the strata of your subconscious sleepy brain

Slip away
Slip away
Slip away to sleep

Dream may come
Dream may dream

Wake up to scream not

Screen thy unwanted screens

Every day is a new day

Every night await for the coming of a new prophet to save us of our
sinning ways

What if
What if
I’m the one who you like to love and hate
The one who you like to blame
Made to bear the burden of faith
Brand with the markings of fate
Hand over to burn in the flame
What if I’ve no name
A numberless lane
A sail with no shape
Shake in shame
Shame in pain
Pain in pain
Big black meteorites are colliding in space
Moses’ wand
Jesus’ prem
Mahomet’s maze
Buddha’s vest

Let me, let me
Let me rest
Silver spring
Silver shed
Sequestered sand particles scattered lay upon the sequoia-colored
sandy stretch

O my clay queen
O my sea-siren
Seal me
Unseal me
Feel me

Triple triplet wavelet reel rip rail
Tickle me
Trill me
Twirl me toward a tail

Forests fret
Fortitude fail
Frailty defaces the phases of faith
The furrowed fields of fables freeze and melt as the mucus membranes
dry out to detect the thin thrill of pleasure while the flesh was
young and pleasurable

What if I die today
And I never come back again
No surprises to surprise me
No smile to fade away

You had the iris in your eyes
You had daisy and dahlia dancing in delight
While I remained so inclined to undefined
The dogwood in my courtyard had dried out to die
Dragging me toward the tunnel of darkness-drunken-light

What if
What if
You and I
Never ever were born or died
How would God and Satan then partake  to pollute us to make our senses
wrong from right
While there’s no such thing as wrong or right
Figmentation of our wild minds
Full blown maroon moon has spread her ominous wings over the pale
brown overcast sky!

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